Did you ever notice all the fantastic ideas you come up with?  Maybe you have the perfect plot for a novel, a great business you want to start, or decide on exactly what you need to say to your boss to get that promotion.  You’re hyped up and ready to conquer the world!  Thinking up the ideas is the easy part, acting on them is another story.  But taking action is the only way your dreams will come true.  Dreams, as the adage claims, are a dime a dozen, and most people don’t achieve theirs. 

So, why don’t we follow through with our greatest ideas?  What keeps us from achieving our goals?  In most cases, it’s limiting beliefs.  Those scary thoughts creep into our consciousness and convince us it’s safer to not do anything at all.  Here are a few of the limiting things we say to ourselves:

1. 1.      Am I even capable of achieving this goal?  

At first, every idea seems possible.  The excitement you feel is your true self being in alignment with your calling.  And it feels great!  Then comes self-doubt.  A part of you doesn’t feel you’re capable.  But why not?  You can learn a new skill, or hire someone to help you with the bits that you can’t do on your own.  When in doubt, think back to the excitement you felt when you first thought of your idea.  Remember the reasons why you wanted to do it in the first place.   Recapture the energy and excitement you felt when you first came up with your plan and use that to spur yourself into action.

1. 2.      Won’t it be really hard to achieve my goal?

The short answer is yes.  Achieving a goal is likely to be hard at times. It may require learning a new skill, speaking to people that you fear, or passing up on other activities to devote the time and effort needed.  The end goal sounds exciting, but your inner critic doubts you can work hard enough to get there.  But of course, you can!  Try not to look at the entire project as a whole.  That makes it feel completely overwhelming. Break it down into small achievable goals.  What is one small thing you can do every day to move closer to your goal?  One step at a time will eventually get you where you want to go. 

1. 3.      What will other people think or say?

This is a big one.  Most of us have spent years worrying about what other people think of us. We’re embarrassed or afraid to be seen.  ‘What if everyone thinks I’m foolish?’ or ‘What if everyone thinks I’m full of myself?’ The truth is most people spend a lot less time thinking about what you are doing than you fear.  And the people who matter in your life will be supportive and helpful.  If you spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think of your goals, it’ time to take a closer look at your own limiting beliefs.  Learn to reframe your negative self-talk into more positive uplifting thoughts.  Once you overcome your self-limiting voice, you’ll be surprised by how little you care about what others think.

1. 4.      What if I fail?

You will.  It’s as simple as that.  There will be failures along the way.  Every successful person has had many so-called failures as they work toward their goals.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Failure is just a learning opportunity.  You don't have to be perfect, which is good because nobody is.  Take consistent action towards your goals and celebrate the successes - because you will also have plenty of those - while you learn from the parts that don’t work so well.  Remember that small steps can have a big impact.  And the only real failure is not trying at all.

1. 5.      Do I deserve success?

Is success ok for other people but not you?  Is it fine for others to stand up and make a speech, run a business, lead a group, but not you?  People who succeed know that they are every bit as worthy as anyone else.   And you can bet that all those successful people you see and admire every day have had the same self-doubt that you have.  The trick is to silence that scared voice and focus on the part of you that knows you are deserving of all the things you dream about.  Because there is a part of you that knows it.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t have had your dream in the first place.

So next time you have a fantastic idea and feel reluctant to act on it, look at your fears and figure out what is stopping you.  What negative thoughts are encouraging you to play small and not step out of your comfort zone?  While you’re at it, you can take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.  Everyone has these doubts.  The good news is you can get past them.  No one does it alone though. Every successful person has had help along the way, so find an accountability partner, a support group, or hire a coach. With a little support and a willingness to let go of a lifetime of limiting beliefs, you can achieve anything!

 I remember when my oldest daughter moved away to university and my younger daughter was in her last year of high school and making plans to move on to her own adventures at university.  I felt so conflicted.  Of course it’s a joy to see your children grow up, do well and make their own way in life, but there was another part of me that seemed actually surprised and disappointed that they grew up.  After all, I had signed up to have children, not adults.  I don’t think I ever fully acknowledged that the day would come when they would grow into young women who no longer needed me on a full time basis.  And the same question kept running through my head, ‘Who am I if I’m not being a Mother?’  I knew I would always be their mother and I would always have a place in their lives, but the constant, day to day activity was going away.  Things like waking them up and getting them to school, preparing dinner every night, doing all their laundry.  And it left me wondering what my own purpose might be.  Did I even have a purpose of my own?  I had identified so completely with being a mom that I lost almost every other part of my identity.   I did a great deal of soul searching and eventually found happiness in pursuing my certification as a life coach and EFT practitioner and then took it a step further by becoming an Infinite Possibilities trainer and Female Empowerment Coach.  I know I can’t be the first parent to feel set adrift at the approach of the ‘empty nest’ so here are a few ideas of what you can do if you’re not sure where the next phase of life will take you:

1. Reconnect with your spouse:   If you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in the busyness of parenting and not make the marriage a priority. Now is your chance to get to know each other again.  Plan a romantic date night, take a long drive, or go for walks or bike rides.  Start talking to each other again about things that don’t involve the children.
2. Find a new relationship:  If you’re not already in a relationship, now could be the time to focus on meeting a special someone to spend your time with.  Dating sites, through mutual friends and at work are three places you might meet someone.  Even if you’re looking for a new friend, not a romantic relationship, you can join a Meetup group to meet people who share your interests.
3. Go back to school:  Would you enjoy learning a new language?  Maybe taking a computer course or English class would be more to your taste.  You can find a course on pretty much any subject through your local community centre, college or adult learning center.
4. Learn an instrument:  They say you should dance like no one is watching and the same can be said for singing and playing instruments.  Let your creativity flow!
5. Reconnect with an old dream:  What were you doing before you had children?  Did you have a dream?  Pick up where you left off and do what once filled you with joy.
6. Volunteer:  If you’re looking to fill some of your new-found free time, it can be very fulfilling to spend hours volunteering.  Perhaps a food bank, hospital or local library could use your help.
7. Travel:  Whether day trips to local destinations or longer trips that take you half way around the world, go out and discover new places that will inspire and fulfill you.  If you’re single or don’t have a travel companion, there are plenty of travel groups out there based on age, relationship status, and activity preference, such as cycling, wine tasting or beach vacations.
8. Start a business:  Do you have a special talent that you’d like to share with the world?   Now you’ll have the extra hours needed to get a business off the ground.
9. Write a book:  Everyone has a story to tell.  Is putting yours down on paper something that you’ve always dreamed of doing?  There’s no reason you can’t achieve that, so go for it.

No matter how you fill your new found free time, watching your offspring leave the nest can still be a sad experience, contrary to what the back-to-school television commercials would have us believe.  But by having a plan in place ahead of time, you will ensure that you have activities and a purpose if you start to feel unsure of your next move.  Don’t forget to reach out to friends and family for some love and support.  You can also join a local support group in person or find one online.  Remember, you’re not alone in this!

I don’t know why or how it started.  I just know that from as far back as I can remember, when I looked in the mirror I would cringe.  All I could see were my flaws.   In my eyes, I didn’t have one redeeming physical quality.  Having four older sisters, I heard plenty of negative talk when they looked in the mirror too.  There wasn’t a healthy self image among us.  So it became the most natural, normal thing in the world for me to criticise myself and even call myself loser.  On a daily basis!!  And Heaven forbid I should accidentally catch sight of my reflection in any random mirror as I walked through the mall!  That could really bring me down.  And the sad thing is that these same things are true for a large percentage of women today. 

Lucky for me, a few years ago I found EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or ‘tapping’ as it’s often called.  I didn’t set out to tap on my lack of self love, because at that point, I didn’t even realize it was such a bad thing.  But as time progressed, I started feeling uneasy when I put myself down.  I started to understand that nothing good could ever come from calling myself ‘loser’.  At that point, I consciously began to tap on my low opinion of myself and I came to five important realizations:

1. It’s not conceited to think positive thoughts about myself.  Part of the reason I could never praise myself or even let a chance to criticise myself pass by was because I felt it would be conceited to do so.  What would people think of me if I didn’t put myself down like everyone does?  What would they think if I actually complimented myself?  Probably that my ego was too big to measure.  And for some reason it mattered to me if other people thought I was conceited.  I let that thought slide away, realising that I couldn’t let other people dictate my own beliefs.
2. It’s not important for other people to think I’m beautiful, as long as I think it.  Prior to my huge shift, in my mind, it was a very clear cut situation.  I could see by society’s standards that I was not beautiful so there was no need for discussion.  I simply was not beautiful, case closed.  But suddenly one day I woke up and looked in the mirror and I thought I looked pretty.  It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.  And it was at that point I realized that it didn’t matter what measuring stick society was using.  It couldn’t stop me from saying ‘hello beautiful’ to my own reflection each morning and truly meaning it!
3. I am as important and deserving of love as anyone else in my life.  I used to spend all my time building others up while I was tearing myself down.  An accomplishment by someone else would deserve praise, but an accomplishment by me would meet with internal criticism and derision.  Why??  Why do we do that to ourselves?  Why do we treat ourselves badly and speak to ourselves in a way that we wouldn’t dream of speaking to anyone else in our lives?  That is a ridiculous double standard to which I can no longer give credence.  What I came to realize is that kindness to oneself is not a luxury or a sin, it is a necessity.  We must show ourselves the same love we show to everyone else in the world.
4. It’s Ok to accept a compliment.  We all know about this one!  If someone paid me a compliment, I would shrug it off like it was nothing.  Like many people, I would deny whatever credit I was given.  Oh no, it was nothing… I was nothing special.  Not true!  We are all very special.  Take every compliment to heart, receive it, accept it and breathe it in.  It is wonderful to accept praise.  What could be wrong with it?  I know, it’s that same conceit issue we dealt with in realization #1.  But that’s an old thought that no longer holds water.  Face it, we’re all wonderful so start accepting the compliments!
5.  I really am beautiful.  It’s true, I am.  As mentioned earlier, it’s not important that you agree.  I have come to the point where I see myself in the mirror and smile – all the time.  I actually see myself as beautiful.  It’s not that I’ve had cosmetic surgery or lost 50 lbs.  Nothing has changed but my perspective.  It still amazes me.  And my life has changed in many ways for the better because of it.  My self confidence soars compared to what it used to be and limiting beliefs are being left behind bit by bit as l keep working on it.  I believe that my new ability to love myself completely will be the catalyst to many new adventures in my life and I hope that all of you are open to this same shift.  I’m living proof that it is possible!